Strange and untamed landz
by Griever
Summary: The USS Enterprise is hijacked! By someone you wouldn't expect!


Strange and Untamed Lands  
Griever hijacks the USS Enterprise!!  
  
  
  
*Scene: The USS Enterprise, a large space vessel built in the future and commanded by the  
courageous Captain Kirk*  
  
Kirk: Captain's log, stardate 6087398-84982-7837784738-747382-78928744. Heading on  
routine course- to Alpha Omega/Radiin Oranin Coridoss- for refueling. Trip expected- to take  
three- to four and a half days...  
Spock: Captain. Sensors indicate a lost escape pod floating near the ship. Apparently its rockets  
have burnt out. shall we recover it?  
Kirk: Right away, Spock! I- must get- this rocket- escape pod! Mitzi- full speed- ahead!!  
O'Hara: Geez, Kirk! I'm O'Hara, not Mitzi! I'm offended!  
Kirk: Of- course, Mitzi!  
Doc: Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a female prostitute!!  
Kirk: I- didn't say that you were-  
Doc: Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a cheap, two dollar Chinese hor!!  
Kirk: I- give up.  
Spock: Captain, we have taken the strange pod aboard. Proceed with me down to the docking  
bay if you wish to see it.  
Kirk: Yippee!!  
*The Captain, Spock, and the Doc head down to the docking bay, where several easily  
expendable ensigns are trying to open the front hatch*  
Kirk: Open- the hatch!  
Doc: Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor, not a friggin' second Jesus!! I can't perform those kind of  
miracles to get this friggin' door open!!!  
*Hatch explodes open*  
Griever: *Steps out* Hey, I'm Griever. Where's the chicks and the beer?  
Spock: Soda?  
Griever: No, beer.  
Spock: Soda?  
Griever: B-E...  
Spock: S-O...  
Griever: Never mind...I'll find it myself.  
Kirk: Exactly- who are you?  
Griever: Why, I'm Griever, the super cool author!  
Spock: What planet are you from?  
Griever: The planet shut the hell up! That's where! *Looks at Doc* Who the hell's this freak?  
Doc: Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor, not a freak!!  
Griever: No, I'm Griever. G-R-I-E-V-E-R. Understand?  
Doc: Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor, not a spelling bee champion!!  
Griever: You're all freaks. *Runs out of the docking bay*  
Kirk: After- him! *Captain, Spock, Doc and ensigns pursue*  
Kirk: WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!  
Griever: *Sitting in captain's chair* Wanna smoke? I found some Cuban cigars.  
Kirk: Damn, those are- my private- cigars! Damn!  
Griever: Well, if you're gonna get so ticked off about it, then here! *Tosses box of cigars to Kirk*  
Kirk: *Spills box* Damn!  
Griever: Hot African American Earth chick, set course for planet Marorba!!  
O'Hara: My name's O'Hara, and you offend me! Besides, I don't run the ship.  
Griever: Fine. Computer, set course for planet Marorba!!  
Computer: *Weird computer voice* I can't do that, Dave.  
Griever: Who's Dave?  
Computer: Sorry. I'm drunk.  
Griever: Computers can't get drunk!  
Computer: Shows how much you know!  
Griever: Fine! I'll set the course myself! *Randomly presses buttons on the panel*  
*A large tube comes down from the ceiling, sucks up an ensign, and launches him into space*  
Spock: Perfect.  
Kirk: Ensigns- get him! *Ensigns charge*  
Griever: *Presses other button, blowing up ensigns*  
Kirk: Damn! *Still picking up cigars*  
Spock: So what kind of people live on this planet Marorba?  
Griever: Are you kidding me?! Planet Marorba is the ultimate party planet! The Marorbos live  
there, a species of hot, naked women who are always wet and horny! Plus, beer trees grow there!  
Spock: Beer?  
Griever: Let's not go through this again.  
Kirk: Answer me- this: How- the hell did you end- up floating through space in that escape pod?  
Griever: Let's just say I had a little too much fun and they threw me out. Actually, I shacked up  
with the king's hot wife and his guards, they chased me until I blasted away. I was hoping to get  
picked up by a party ship, but instead I got stuck with you stiffs!  
O'Hara: I'm offended!  
Doc: Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a hot naked chick!!  
Kirk: I wish.  
Griever: Ewww!!!  
Spock: I believe we are not prepared for a party. Perhaps we should plan a strategy-  
Griever: Shove off, Spock! *Shoves Spock down ventilation shaft* Ha! Funny!  
Kirk: Oh- my god! Spock!!  
Griever: Hey, we're landing! I bet there's a crowd waiting for me! Comon everybody!!! *People  
scream and follow Griever outside*  
Hot Marorbo #1: Oh Griever, you're so hot! And we had so much fun last time you were here.  
You still have the record for most women laid in one night!  
Hot Marorbo #2: Yea Griever. I want your body! Take me now!  
Griever: Just let me get a little more drunk.  
Kirk: Whoa! Look at- all these hot, naked alien chicks!  
Griever: What did I tell you, buddy?  
Kirk: Oh yea! I gotta get me somma dat!  
Griever: *Introduces Hot Marorbo #1 to Kirk* Now you two go up to my sweet and have a little  
fun! You gotta loosen up, Kirky!  
Kirk: Oh yea!!!  
Griever: So, hot naked chick, where were we?  
Hot Marorbo #2: You were going to take me over by the pool and fuck my brains out.  
Griever: Sounds like a plan!  
  
*Meanwhile, aboard the USS Enterprise*  
Spock: Help!  
O'Hara: I'm offended!  
Doc: Dammit Jim! Hey, where's Jim?  
Spock: My climbing skills are not too good. Help me out of here!  
O'Hara: You offend me by considering me weak!  
Doc: Dammit, Jim! 


End file.
